I've learned that fear limits you and your vision. It serves as blinders to what may be just a few steps down the road for you. The journey is valuable, but believing in your talents, your abilities, and your self-worth can empower you to walk down an even brighter path. Transforming fear into freedom how great is that? – Soledad O'Brien
In Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) there is this idea called dialectics. It is based on the idea that two trusts can exist at one time. And that is where I find myself now. I am both at the right and wrong place at the same time. A good portion of my life I have lived in areas of the US that are filled with overt racism and conservativeness laced with dehumanizing traits. I’ve gone through so much to find the beautifulness of my own blackness and self worth because of this. I feel like the years of being the only Black person in the room is one of the major things that has stiffed the free spirit in me. Currently now, I live in a politically blue state but in a red city. This is where my quest for education has brought me. Which brings me back to I’m both at the right and wrong place at the same time.
My spiritual beliefs have taught me that where I am is actually where I’m suppose to be. I’ve never gone anywhere that God has told me to go and not had my needs met. Which is why I always go. And I’m not doubting that where I am now isn’t where I need to be. And the free spirit, budding carefree black woman is questioning continuing to live in a part of the country where blackness is a plural entity in restaurants and stores. At the core of these feelings are isolation and wanting to be around the people who are like me. Not just black, but people who live in their truths. People who engage in the wonderfulness of art, who breathe in the essence of authenticity. Who celebrate the beautifulness of different cultures and find strength in the unified cloak of humanity. I want to live among the people who are mostly like me and not feel this intense pain of uniqueness. People who question not just living within or outside of the box, but those who question the existence of the box within their own lives. Who find both comfort and distress in, around and within, and behind the box. I want to be free both within God’s will and the desires of my free spirit heart. I want to be who I was taught not to be. I want to be me. To be… Free
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