I've learned that fear limits you and your vision. It serves as blinders to what may be just a few steps down the road for you. The journey is valuable, but believing in your talents, your abilities, and your self-worth can empower you to walk down an even brighter path. Transforming fear into freedom how great is that? – Soledad O'Brien
My reflection in the mirror is one that I have waited a long time to see. Me covered in a long ivory lace gown, with a short veil covering a small section of my face, holding a calla lily bouquet, not as a bridesmaid but this time as the bride. I hear for Sentimental Reasons by Sam Cooke announcing my entrance. Yet this song beckons me to the past, I hear my fathers laughter and see love written across his face. I always knew that the moment would come that I would walk down the isle and be reminded of all that death had stolen from me. But I never imaged I would feel his love so presently in this moment..
I stand at the entrance of the of the venue, holding my mom’s arm, feeling her love and pride swarm around me, floating down the isle towards my partner. The minster ask “who gives this woman away” and my mother says “I do”. I take my partner’s hand, search their eyes and curiously say “why do you love me, what do you love about yourself, why did you choose your career, what is your credit like, how many kids do you want, how do you feel about your family, do you have any regrets in life, what are you like when your angry, do you have a family history of illnesses, how do you cope with difficult situations, are you selfish, what are you like when your hungry, have you ever experienced loss, what are your finances like, have you ever been in love, are you moody, what are your ex partners like, have you ever experienced anything traumatic, what do you most love about life, are you frugal, do you have great problem solving skills, how do you react to failure, what is your health like, do you care about the well-being of others, are you patient, can you cook, do you like to read, are you good with cars?”
I stand there with my heart beating, palms sweating, thinking “Why don’t I know the answer to all these questions and more?”. “How do I not know you and how did we get here?”…….
Since I am in my late 20’s the realization has come that everyone I date could potentially be my spouse. That is a scary thing, since I have learned to take care of myself in attempts to run from disappointment.
On the other side of the fear I am coming to understand, I don’t really know how to date? When was I suppose to learn this magical thing call dating? How do you get to know someone? Is love enough? How do you choose someone?
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